Dance music is dead easy isn’t it? All you need are loads of samples and a drum machine. Umm well no, and here’s proof.
1. La Maison Moderne - Day after day – Absolutely horrendous. Albin Julius please, step away from the drum machine
2. Sly & Robbie –Silent Assassin with KRS1 and Boogie Down Productions – This really is a shocker. They shouldn’t have been allowed within a mile of acid house. I suppose if they have actually played on 200,000 tracks than they’re allowed the odd one or two aberrations. This one’s the most blatant
3. Madonna - Don’t cry for me Argentina - Made me cringe every time it was played on the radio
4. Laibach - Sympathy for the devil - their spoon didn’t have a long enough handle
5. Pink Floyd. Can’t see the point of this - if you like the original (why?) you’re not going to want it to be given to Eric Prydz and if you like dance music you’re not going to want to listen to that old cack.
6. Eric Clapton - see 5
7. Pink Project and Afrika Bambaataa. This I don’t get. Bambaataa made some wonderful dance music. So why join an Italian prog band to make a disco record?
8. Derek Bailey. Derek Bailey does drum and bass. Personally I think any Derek Bailey record is improved immeasurable when he stops playing and the trouble is he’s all over this one.
9. The Royal Philharmonic Orchestra. No really. They did an album of classical speeded up and played with a drum machine. Felt physically sick when I heard it in a record shop. They must really need the money.
10. The Beach Boys meet The Fat Boys. I know what they were thinking - Money. Should buy a lot of sick bags.

After the success of Primal Scream's "Screamadelica", there was a lot of indie bands making pitiful attempts at dance music, claiming their music has always had a dance element. The Soup Dragons were particularly shameless.

Great list JCS.

I do remember the '80s (remember the tyranny of the ghastly DX-7) being pretty bad for people trying to get "dancey", Fat Dave Gilmour's Blue Light from 1984 being particularly horrible.

There were also all those horrible remixes of perfectly blameless New Order and Cabaret Voltaire tracks by John Robie; and who can forget Quando Quango's lumpen Love Tempo, which for some unaccountable reason was regularly described as a "dancefloor smash" in the early-mid 1980s.

The Kevster

I forget his name but anything by the guy who did the theme for the world cup and the video had all the people pained up as animals.

Absolutely awful cheeze of the highest order.

Ryan